Tuesday, July 3, 2007

A daughter leaving - a dad upset

Amanda took off for Hawaii today. I'm very upset about her decisions right now. The whole family is for that matter.She will very likely get married and become pregnant while she is out there... in the meantime, she doesn't even have anything planned out. Nothing... she seems so careless about what going on. I think she has this "happily ever after' dream going on.
I've started distancing myself from her... almost to the point that if she calls... I won't want to pick up. I'm tired of caring and then seeing their lives go down the drain... I've seen it with Tab, my sister, big Amanda, and now my daughter. I don't think I'm going to mention this to my parents as I don't see the marriage lasting long enough (maybe a year... if they're mature enough)

July 4th,2007
I cried alot last night, prayed to our heavenly father also for protection for Amanda. I even read Hebrews 11 last night. I think if anything, going back to meetings again will help me out. I have to keep in mind that these things are only temporary. Vicky told me that Bobby is really upset.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Exhaustion and emotionally frustrated

I’m so damm tired and exhausted. It’s 4am in the morning and I haven’t been able to sleep but for a few minutes. I blame a lot on the greasy pizza last night. But a lot more on what’s going on with Amanda. I remember when both Tabatha and (big) Amanda left. It really didn’t affect me because I just considered them friends.. that’s all. But Amanda is my daughter, the one I delivered, helped raise, the one we took care of when she was sick….shit just last month we had a scare.. oh fucking well. (Now I know how much I hurt Mom and Dad.. I didn’t realize it then…but know I understand)

I’m starting to wonder if it would be easier to stop caring. It would be so much simpler not to care about people you love…. just to toss them over your shoulder, let them go and get on with life. It would be a lot less complicated… You wouldn’t get hurt so bad. A lot of shit has happened in the past few months… so much so I feel like taking that long swim. I need to drop Amy an email.
I’m trying to think of the positive things that have happened in the past few years. I can only come up with a handful
Got a good job (Geeks)
Made a few good friends (Jennifer, Mike, Jason, Yolanda, Abbey, Beth)
Got my own place !..LOL !

Now for the negative shit
Amanda has got involved in smoking/pot
Vicky and Kevin have just about gone bankrupt
Sue’s health in dwindling
Work is starting to stress me out/techs not completing jobs
Beck/Jim have that stalker
Bobby and Sam are having problems
The kids don’t really have a plan for their future
I haven’t been feeling the best lately, very sore, getting colds alot
Amanda is moving out to Hawaii

Hey !... one good thing that happened today !... finally got my tires !.. and good ones too… 60,000miles good !...lol ! What sucked though is in the morning I had to walk 2 miles to work after dropping the Honda off at Pep Boys. Beth was sweet enough to give me a ride back out to pick it up. She has such a good heart, but OMG, was she such a distraction today. Every time she wasn’t on the phone she wanted to talk… but I couldn’t get anything done!! I love her though… she’s a real good person.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

A daughters decision

The good news - Me and Amanda went to the beach Sunday – I needed something like that for a while… It was a very relaxing stress free day.
Bad news (a life changing event for everyone) Kevin called earlier today and told me the Amanda has decided to go to Hawaii and live with Derek. I had expected something like this for some time because we weren’t really pointing her in the right direction (GED, Drivers License, job.etc) All those things should’ve been planned while she was 13-15.

Now the only thing on her mind is to go out to Hawaii and live with Derek. Then what ? What she plan to do with her life?… I don’t know. I’m not mad. I mean why be mad at something you can’t control. She’s 18,she’s a legal adult… I am disappointed and upset, because she thinks this is the only way of being happy. I told her the other day the only way to be happy… to be satisfied with yourself, is to do something, to make a goal for yourself, have a career. Otherwise, all you’ll be is someone’s doormat for some one to wipe their feet on.

I just hope she doesn’t get pregnant, because all she’ll be then is a stay-at-home housewife. I am scared because it’s so far away, and we’ll be unable to help her out.
I’m upset because she is not thinking this thru all the way… Where is she going to stay…what does she plan to do?....besides Derek…does she have anyone else for support?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Kevin & Vickys moving day!

Moving day!,,,, or at least packing and moving weekend. And man was there A LOT OF STUFF!!... Boxes, papers, books, knick-knacs, furniture…etc.
Me and Kevin did most of the hauling of the furniture. I used muscles which I forgot I had!
I’m proud of Amanda and Kenny – they worked their asses off… and still kept up ! LOL (now if they could just apply that kind of work ethic out in the real world)

Anyways Kevin and Amanda are moving in with me, and Vicky, Kenny, Tim and Sue are moving in up with Becky. Gonna miss Kingsbridge (but not that much !) yes.. I think I miss Hertford more that I do Kingsbridge Why?... nothing really improved here.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

A small part of the family put down

We had to put Midnight down. For the past week I noticed she was losing weight and not feeling good. I always thought she could have worms, so we brought her to the vet, but the doctor was out so I had planned to take her the next day but she ran away and had disappeared for two days. (When an animal gets sick, it hides. I think it’s Gods way of preventing infection to humans)
Anyways she was missing for two days, and then we found her lying in the dirt outside behind Vicky’s window. It looked like she had sand on her face, and blood dripping from her nose. (I was trying to keep myself together from the sight of her suffering )
We had rushed her to the vet Wed where the doc said he could try “pulling out all the stops to save her… but would very likely not survive” He was very sensitive but to the point. We decided it was best for her not to suffer anymore. Vicky took it really bad, crying and sobbing… and she was my cat!!...
I mean I loved the animal. She was such a wonderful good cat. She used to wait for me at the door when she’d hear my car, just so she could be petted on her. She never used a litter box, she’d always wait at the front door to be let out !... I’m going to miss her.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


It's not that I haven't been typing in my journal, it's just that I've been doing the entries at my house my computer off line. Anyways I've never been so frustrated and so upset. Vicky & Kevin are moving next week up to Becky and Jim's. Somehow I don't think Amanda will be going with them. She's been real upset about the whole situation. I told her she could stay with me if she wanted to,but she'd have to get a job first I'd help her get her GED. I don't think she's gonna be around very much longer around the family. I think the same goes for me. I've been so stressed out because with the money situation. Vicky can't seem to get out of bed to save her life. I've got to bring Midnight to the SPCA tomorrow.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Upset with Amanda

Well, scratch that last entry. I’ve decided Kenny and Amanda would prob be better up with Becky and Jim for the time being Why? The other day I knocked on Amanda’s door and opened it just to find Bri and her smoking up pot. I’m upset about that. I want Amanda to do something with her life – to have a future. And her partying up with Bri won’t get her anywhere.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Moving time for Vicky/Kevin

Things have been going alright for the time being, but moving time for Vicky & Kevin is right around the corner. They’re supposed to be out at the end of this month. Looks like I’ve got the kids, which doesn’t bother me. The only thing I’m worried about is if Steve or Darris start getting wind of it. I want Amanda and Kenny to get jobs. I’ve got to bring Amanda to get her license, but she won’t be able to take the test in my car! LOL

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Panicking because of a gift ?

Everyone started getting panicky again for all the wrong reasons! Vicky didn’t feel Kenny got enough for his B-day, so she asked Aaron and I, to go out and look for a Nintendo ‘Wii’. The thing costs $300, and they won’t have a roof over their heads next month !...
I mean.. am I missing something here ? Here I am stressing over trying to get $200 for heating oil for my place, $150 more to get two new tires for my Honda because the treads are non-existent, and to get my car inspected. And they’re worrying about getting a stupid game platform! Why does Vicky insist she replace lost time with the kids with gifts ?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A serious emergency

We all had a big scare this past weekend. Amanda started getting sick Friday, throwing up and getting serious cramps. Anyways I met Vicky and Kevin over and Patient First, where they took X-rays and tested for pregnancy, both turn out nothing. So, with their ‘expertise’ they diagnosed Amanda having kidney stones. Anyways, they gave Amanda something for the pain and nausea and sent her on her way home (I’m finding out this is something Patient First is really good at). Buy Saturday afternoon, Amanda was still really sick so Vicky and Kevin took her over to Chesapeake General were they conducted pelvic exam and to find out that Amanda had a tampon in her for over a week. (I was getting really worried… because now I’m thinking about TSS and all the stories on that) The doctors then gave her a booster shot of antibiotics and headed home after that.
Meanwhile she cannot keep anything down whatsoever to the point where she is throwing up bile and getting very dehydrated. I even tried to get her to drink Pedialyte and eat a handful of Applejacks, in which she just threw that up 5 minutes later. So I took her back to Chesapeake, to if anything, at least get an IV in her to re-hydrate and put some fluids in her.
We spent over 5hours from 12am to 5am (Sunday morning) there. They shoved an IV in and also did a urine and blood test, which came out nothing, which shocked me, because I would’ve expected something. Anyways, I called right before I came home tonight, and Amanda is up, and 10lbs lighter as she only weighs 95lbs! But she’s feeling a lot better… and from she told me she just ordered an Italian Sub. J J he-he (Kenny helped around the house doing her chores)
We’ve got some wonderful kids. I feel we’re very blessed to have wonderful kids. I just want them to do something with their lives, because they have so much potential, but I feel Vicky isn’t really encouraging them enough.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Just a lil frustration.. just a little

Well, I took off the past three days so I could help everyone move from the apartments, BUT as plans with Vicky usually never follow thru, I sat around and wasted 16 hrs of PAL time, and to top that off Vicky found out that all the stuff in storage that was supposed to be sold/auctioned off she was able to buy back for $800.
$800 dollars !
I think that was such a waste because Sue will probably NEVER see her dolls, and the money could’ve been used for covering Rent/Bills…etc.
I told Vicky she should get her priorities straight as the family won’t have a roof over their head, but have a lot of dolls to play with!...LOL !

Amanda surprises me every day J As she and Bri were walking down to the gas station, a guy pulled up to both the girls and asked if they needed a ride. The girls of course said no, but as they looked inside his car they noticed the man was jerking off right in front of them! I give Amanda a lot of credit because she was smart enough to get the license number! They were interviewed by the lady cop who patrols the area. Amanda is still in shock.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

An awesome artist!!

Me, Brian, Daynes, Ida, and Lori (of all people) went to check out Marlaynas’ drawings/paintings the TCC Art show in Portsmouth. She was really surprised with the T-Shirts that everyone came with. She won $200 in art supplies for David and Goliath.
She drew a chalk drawing of David & Goliath with David having Goliaths sword one hand and Goliaths head in his other... Marlanya has a very keen eye for the body form - she outlined the details of Davids muscles.. it was amazing!
I took Amanda out to Applebees, and while we were their she applied for a position… I hope she gets an interview !.. It’s the only way she’ll feel better about herself.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Being cautious with our hearts

Monday was hectic at work! The calls were coming in like crazy ! I hardly had time for a break.
Bri had a friend over today.... he originally from New York....a guy who she has know for quite a while.... and she is head over heels for him.....she has such a need for someone to love her. I guess we all do in some part of our lives.... a longing to be wanted.....to be hugged.... to have someone wrap there arms around you.
I can see it in Aaron also.... he has a big thing for Amanda....he cares for her alot.... and I think Amanda is taking it a little easy wants to be careful. She doesn't want to get hurt.

Friday, January 26, 2007

An issue with debt

Vicky and Kevin were freaking out earlier, they were worried that the Dodge Van or the Malibu were going to get repo'd sometime this week, but it looks like Kevin did some smooth talking, and they have another month to keep the vehicles. I've always told Vicky I think them buying another brand new car would put them in the hole and would kill them as far as money was concerned. Bobby and Sam arrived here just a little while ago. Bobby was talkin about smoking up.... which pissed me off.... all these kids depend too much on that stuff... I mean it doesn't improve their lives does it ?.. too much of anything can mess up you lives.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

My daughters' getting into trouble

Amanda & Bri are pissing me off - I've been over at Kevin & Vickie's' for the past week because of the brake problem with the Honda.... and for EVERY SINGLE NIGHT they have gone off and partied.... I'm not very happy at all with Amanda.... I thought she would be responsible, get a job, earn some decent money for herself, and maybe save up for a car, Cd's, a decent stereo even... to where she could bye something for herself on her own !... but the only thing on her "best friends" mind is getting high all the time.

Monday, January 15, 2007

A hate and love relationship?

Can you hate someone and at the same time care for them? This is something thats been going thru my mind ever since Bri ran away from her home.... and it's really annoying me... all she ever is doing is getting high of pot... and it's really pissing me offI mean I care & love her but she's getting nowhere fast in her life.....Her life isn't adding up to much so far....and it's starting to rub off on Amanda also.