Thursday, December 25, 2003

Does anyone NOT get stressed during the holidays?

Dec 25th, 2003
Yesterday I was sooo stressed out…why ?.....I had told Jenn that she could ( much to my objections) take me out shopping (can’t stand it much less for this time of year)

Anyway that plan had gotten awash cause Becky needed me to watch the baby so her and Vicky could do their X-mas shopping…..what I couldn’t figure out is why Jim had to go with them….oh well…Jenn wasn’t too happy about the whole situation on me canceling on her so soon. I haven’t really felt very sociable with anyone lately……in fact I’ve just wanted to hide and be by myself…just wanting some solitude...some peacefulness with myself.
A lot has happened with me just this past few months. I've gotten involved with Jennifer (happy-go-lucky girl she is !!), I lost my job at Genesis Staffing, it was a alright job for $9.50/hr but a job nonetheless, and Grandma (Dorithy) dies.

Anyway so far this month really kinda sucks….oh yeah….then there’s this problem everyone has with me not getting involved with Christmas ….in fact Vicky had called me a hypocrite (me there with everyone but not wanting to get involved ) No one realizes that first….we don’t know the actual date of Jesus’s birth, they don’t know the real story of the three “wise” men (astrologers, prob from Babylon “the east”), the story behind the star they had followed (it first led them first to King Herod who wanted to have the baby Jesus killed), what he did on earth and his death that was the real importance…..his birth was just a way to place him on earth…nothing more. No-one realizes how much I dispise this holiday. I know one thing…I won’t be here for the next one.

Monday, December 15, 2003

Loss of a loved one

Dec 15, 2003
They say death is a normal process of life. That it's a natural thing. If thats true, why do we react so emotionally about it? I lost my Grandma (Dorithy) last month.

I had talked to her back in October, she sounded so full of energy, and so full of laughter I would’ve never guessed she was so sick. I get a phone call earlier from Reanee telling me that she was worried that Grandma might not make it. So with Jims kind help I arrange to fly down on the 3rd of this month.
I arrive that morning in Kansas City, meet Jim for the first time, give my sister a hug, finally meet Shelby and Conner, and then my sister breaks the news that Grandma had died that morning…..It hurt, it felt like a ton of bricks had just landed on my chest….I was mad at myself too for not being there for her.

I pray for god to remember and be reunited with her in the new system Joh 5:25-29.