Exhaustion and emotionally frustrated

I’m so damm tired and exhausted. It’s 4am in the morning and I haven’t been able to sleep but for a few minutes. I blame a lot on the greasy pizza last night. But a lot more on what’s going on with Amanda. I remember when both Tabatha and (big) Amanda left. It really didn’t affect me because I just considered them friends.. that’s all. But Amanda is my daughter, the one I delivered, helped raise, the one we took care of when she was sick….shit just last month we had a scare.. oh fucking well. (Now I know how much I hurt Mom and Dad.. I didn’t realize it then…but know I understand)

I’m starting to wonder if it would be easier to stop caring. It would be so much simpler not to care about people you love…. just to toss them over your shoulder, let them go and get on with life. It would be a lot less complicated… You wouldn’t get hurt so bad. A lot of shit has happened in the past few months… so much so I feel like taking that long swim. I need to drop Amy an email.
I’m trying to think of the positive things that have happened in the past few years. I can only come up with a handful
Got a good job (Geeks)
Made a few good friends (Jennifer, Mike, Jason, Yolanda, Abbey, Beth)
Got my own place !..LOL !

Now for the negative shit
Amanda has got involved in smoking/pot
Vicky and Kevin have just about gone bankrupt
Sue’s health in dwindling
Work is starting to stress me out/techs not completing jobs
Beck/Jim have that stalker
Bobby and Sam are having problems
The kids don’t really have a plan for their future
I haven’t been feeling the best lately, very sore, getting colds alot
Amanda is moving out to Hawaii

Hey !... one good thing that happened today !... finally got my tires !.. and good ones too… 60,000miles good !...lol ! What sucked though is in the morning I had to walk 2 miles to work after dropping the Honda off at Pep Boys. Beth was sweet enough to give me a ride back out to pick it up. She has such a good heart, but OMG, was she such a distraction today. Every time she wasn’t on the phone she wanted to talk… but I couldn’t get anything done!! I love her though… she’s a real good person.