Jul 1,2003
We've been here three ##%%@! months....I quit Blackhawk last month and have yet to find a decent job ! I filled out apps at City of Portsmouth (Dispatching)...Moran Towing of Virginia..City of Virginia Beach (Dispatching)...Wallmart..Cox Communications....Lowes......Haynes Furniture....even Farm Fresh..(for night stock...which they're NOT hiring for !)....PLUS to make things even more depressing...I see everyone around either hurt, lonely, mad, or stressed. Kevins overworked, Tim just sits on the couch, Amanda J. has been ever disconnecting herself from the family...(just waiting for the day say mentions the M word...I think Kevins expecting it), Lil Amanda has been doing nothing but sitting on the computer in her own lil world chatting away, and Kenny just sits in his lil world playing games.
It just seems nobody likes to spend time together anymore. I'm hoping if I leave maybe things will get better....hopefully. This has been going on in my mind for a long time...I've been thinking about going down to Va beach for a loooooong swim....(hopefully I'll find a good riptide to carry me away). If anyone does find out how it happens I don't want the kids to find out. I have to find a way to send e-mail at a time/day automated.
There are some things I would never change, my growing up years..I am sooo thankful for the parents I have....A dad (who wasn't even my biological father) who spent time with me, making it a ritual every Sat to go out to Dunkin Donuts and talk about anything. It was the fishing trips that we made to lake Castaic that I'd always remember...he'd always help me out reeling a fish in....My mom would always take the time to bring me to those ever important Kingdom Hall meetings (I see now how how much she loved me)
I've been soo lucky to have parents like that. And what a crappy son/brother I've been....I haven't talked to anyone in about 4 months...why?....I don't know...there's no real reason....I mean both Reanee' and Danielle are married, ahve families and seem to be real happy......I sooo much hope the best for them. ( I miss them/everyone soooo much it hurts)...and you know what the sad thing is ??.....I just blow them off....I don't know why. It's just hard for me to be around this lack of love....this "cooling off of the greater love" (Matthew 12?) that I just can't deal with it.
Tuesday, July 1, 2003
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Boredom for me
Jun 19,2003
Today I' ve been feelin really down.....I don't know why though. Amanda's friends, stopped by; Michael, Steve?, ? (ooops !!!....beat me with a forgot stick!!!). They had drove down from Illinois to spend the weekend with Amanda down at VA Beach. They seem pretty cool .....and I'm guessin all around in their late 20's. We picked up the truck that Don (Kevins Boss) gave to Kevin. It's not bad !! A Nissan Pick-Up ....the engine purrs...but has a leak in the trans pan & odometer doesn't work, but other that that it's SWEET !! I miss my trwuuck !!
Today I' ve been feelin really down.....I don't know why though. Amanda's friends, stopped by; Michael, Steve?, ? (ooops !!!....beat me with a forgot stick!!!). They had drove down from Illinois to spend the weekend with Amanda down at VA Beach. They seem pretty cool .....and I'm guessin all around in their late 20's. We picked up the truck that Don (Kevins Boss) gave to Kevin. It's not bad !! A Nissan Pick-Up ....the engine purrs...but has a leak in the trans pan & odometer doesn't work, but other that that it's SWEET !! I miss my trwuuck !!
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Fun times to party by!
June 17,2003
Well, got trashed the other hight....maybe trashed is to much of a word....maybe a REAL GOOD BUZZ is more like it. Went out to Blakelys, a country bar.....had a good time.........we (Amanda & me) started downin shots of Snappes with beer......I was much more pitiful than Amanda......she just had a MILD buzz !!! But thats where I payed for it dearly the next day!! Mixing liquor with the beer....DUH!! I really should know better huh !!! I'll definitly be going back though.....I kinda miss the partying........It's either that or I gotta find someplace to meet someone !!
Well, got trashed the other hight....maybe trashed is to much of a word....maybe a REAL GOOD BUZZ is more like it. Went out to Blakelys, a country bar.....had a good time.........we (Amanda & me) started downin shots of Snappes with beer......I was much more pitiful than Amanda......she just had a MILD buzz !!! But thats where I payed for it dearly the next day!! Mixing liquor with the beer....DUH!! I really should know better huh !!! I'll definitly be going back though.....I kinda miss the partying........It's either that or I gotta find someplace to meet someone !!
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Getting old sucks!
June 11,2003
MAN Do I hurt !!.....lately my kidneys have been really painful and hurting. About three years ago they started acting up.......now I know there is a prob...it seems like urine/water just stays in the kindneys and isn't being passed to my bladder. This only happens when I'm laying down though.Turned 40 the other day.....it SUCKS !!! I had actually started feeling my age about two years ago...before that I felt sooo great...like I was 28 (but I was actually 38) Now look.........sheeesh!!
MAN Do I hurt !!.....lately my kidneys have been really painful and hurting. About three years ago they started acting up.......now I know there is a prob...it seems like urine/water just stays in the kindneys and isn't being passed to my bladder. This only happens when I'm laying down though.Turned 40 the other day.....it SUCKS !!! I had actually started feeling my age about two years ago...before that I felt sooo great...like I was 28 (but I was actually 38) Now look.........sheeesh!!
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