A daughter leaving - a dad upset

Amanda took off for Hawaii today. I'm very upset about her decisions right now. The whole family is for that matter.She will very likely get married and become pregnant while she is out there... in the meantime, she doesn't even have anything planned out. Nothing... she seems so careless about what going on. I think she has this "happily ever after' dream going on.
I've started distancing myself from her... almost to the point that if she calls... I won't want to pick up. I'm tired of caring and then seeing their lives go down the drain... I've seen it with Tab, my sister, big Amanda, and now my daughter. I don't think I'm going to mention this to my parents as I don't see the marriage lasting long enough (maybe a year... if they're mature enough)



July 4th,2007
I cried alot last night, prayed to our heavenly father also for protection for Amanda. I even read Hebrews 11 last night. I think if anything, going back to meetings again will help me out. I have to keep in mind that these things are only temporary. Vicky told me that Bobby is really upset.

Exhaustion and emotionally frustrated

I’m so damm tired and exhausted. It’s 4am in the morning and I haven’t been able to sleep but for a few minutes. I blame a lot on the greasy pizza last night. But a lot more on what’s going on with Amanda. I remember when both Tabatha and (big) Amanda left. It really didn’t affect me because I just considered them friends.. that’s all. But Amanda is my daughter, the one I delivered, helped raise, the one we took care of when she was sick….shit just last month we had a scare.. oh fucking well. (Now I know how much I hurt Mom and Dad.. I didn’t realize it then…but know I understand)

I’m starting to wonder if it would be easier to stop caring. It would be so much simpler not to care about people you love…. just to toss them over your shoulder, let them go and get on with life. It would be a lot less complicated… You wouldn’t get hurt so bad. A lot of shit has happened in the past few months… so much so I feel like taking that long swim. I need to drop Amy an email.
I’m trying to think of the positive things that have happened in the past few years. I can only come up with a handful
Got a good job (Geeks)
Made a few good friends (Jennifer, Mike, Jason, Yolanda, Abbey, Beth)
Got my own place !..LOL !

Now for the negative shit
Amanda has got involved in smoking/pot
Vicky and Kevin have just about gone bankrupt
Sue’s health in dwindling
Work is starting to stress me out/techs not completing jobs
Beck/Jim have that stalker
Bobby and Sam are having problems
The kids don’t really have a plan for their future
I haven’t been feeling the best lately, very sore, getting colds alot
Amanda is moving out to Hawaii

Hey !... one good thing that happened today !... finally got my tires !.. and good ones too… 60,000miles good !...lol ! What sucked though is in the morning I had to walk 2 miles to work after dropping the Honda off at Pep Boys. Beth was sweet enough to give me a ride back out to pick it up. She has such a good heart, but OMG, was she such a distraction today. Every time she wasn’t on the phone she wanted to talk… but I couldn’t get anything done!! I love her though… she’s a real good person.

A daughters decision

The good news - Me and Amanda went to the beach Sunday – I needed something like that for a while… It was a very relaxing stress free day.
Bad news (a life changing event for everyone) Kevin called earlier today and told me the Amanda has decided to go to Hawaii and live with Derek. I had expected something like this for some time because we weren’t really pointing her in the right direction (GED, Drivers License, job.etc) All those things should’ve been planned while she was 13-15.

Now the only thing on her mind is to go out to Hawaii and live with Derek. Then what ? What she plan to do with her life?… I don’t know. I’m not mad. I mean why be mad at something you can’t control. She’s 18,she’s a legal adult… I am disappointed and upset, because she thinks this is the only way of being happy. I told her the other day the only way to be happy… to be satisfied with yourself, is to do something, to make a goal for yourself, have a career. Otherwise, all you’ll be is someone’s doormat for some one to wipe their feet on.

I just hope she doesn’t get pregnant, because all she’ll be then is a stay-at-home housewife. I am scared because it’s so far away, and we’ll be unable to help her out.
I’m upset because she is not thinking this thru all the way… Where is she going to stay…what does she plan to do?....besides Derek…does she have anyone else for support?

Kevin & Vickys moving day!

Moving day!,,,, or at least packing and moving weekend. And man was there A LOT OF STUFF!!... Boxes, papers, books, knick-knacs, furniture…etc.
Me and Kevin did most of the hauling of the furniture. I used muscles which I forgot I had!
I’m proud of Amanda and Kenny – they worked their asses off… and still kept up ! LOL (now if they could just apply that kind of work ethic out in the real world)

Anyways Kevin and Amanda are moving in with me, and Vicky, Kenny, Tim and Sue are moving in up with Becky. Gonna miss Kingsbridge (but not that much !) yes.. I think I miss Hertford more that I do Kingsbridge Why?... nothing really improved here.